There are gurus and vendors and wares on the path that promise enlightenment someday. Someday when you have studied enough, read enough, listened enough, experienced enough, felt enough, starved enough, cried enough or taught enough. And this progressive path is acceptable. It’s appealing. It’s been described for centuries and within this belief lies the idea that when you follow the path, follow directions, spend enough hours in meditation, cultivate the right attitudes, and surround yourself with the right teachers, the TRUTH about who you really are will be clear. And, to make this path even more acceptable, there are countless stories of enlightened masters who started on the seeker path, as we have, and achieved enlightenment through long, determined effort.

This prolonged and step-by-step approach actually feels quite good to our mind, which loves problems, obstacles to negotiate and loves having a map that identifies where you are going and how to get there. Your ego is equally up to this task. The ego is inspired by a struggle it can feel “good” about accomplishing. The ego sees an end, and is certain if you just put in the time and effort, you too can have your chance at enlightenment or peace. Besides, this approach allows you to put your life on an organized path. I am a vegan and a yogi and as such I do these things with other people doing the same thing surrounding me. I am a Buddhist Monk and I am traveling through the 4 stages to reach enlightenment. You get the point.

But, what if this concept of the progressive approach actually undermines any possibility of awakening RIGHT NOW? If you are more concerned with the practice that will lead you toward awakening or transformation than the actual transformation in the moment, then isn’t it possible you will spend so many years on the way, you will miss what was right in front of you, or within you along?

One of my favorite teachers Stephan Bodian said, “The danger of investing your energy in seeking is that you’ll end up a perpetual seeker, without ever finding what you were looking for in the first place.” Furthermore he says that the belief that you need to engage in certain practices over a period of time in order to realize who you are “reinforces the belief that your true nature is deeply concealed and requires protracted effort to uncover.”

The truth is that truth plays hide and seek with itself and if we continue to focus so much of our time searching and looking for the right answer, we will miss the present and what is available to us NOW.

If you seek the answer to this question you will find answers to feed both sides. You will be reminded of enlightened souls who had centuries of refinement to site. On the other side you will learn about spiritual guides who had no path, no tools, no lineage but who experienced instantaneous transformation and who have been sharing their spiritual wisdom and connection to source energy from that moment on.

No way is right or wrong of course and a great many things can be learned and experienced through study, practice and devotion. The problem has more to do with the attitude than the technique. For example, if you view your practice as a gradual way to achieve some goal you may not only lose your passion and drive but you may miss the open secret of who you already are because no amount of effort can ever bring you closer to who you are, it’s already as close as your breath.

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There are several stages a person will likely pass through before they become truly fabulous. The following are warning signs that your fabulousness may be just around the corner.

You woke up today and after you gave thanks for being able to wake up and that you are alive, you turned over to your husband, your partner, your mate, your pillow and gave him/it a big hug and a huge smile.

You put on your running shoes and headed out for your morning run to start the day and appreciate the beauty that surrounds you. You did it because you love how it feels, not because you thought you should. (Insert any activity that makes you feel alive)

You put on clothes that make you feel fabulous and you don’t care if you bought them at Target or Neiman Marcus.

You go to work and whether that means driving to the desk job, working in the yard, or encouraging your five month old to roll over, you are at peace with what you do. You are offering up the best of who you are in that role and you are grateful to have it.

You suspend judgment.

You choose to never compare yourself to others. You are beautiful now. You have enough money now. You have the right job or business now and if not, you are taking the steps to get it. And, you know for sure that you have the power to create the exact life you want.

You surround yourself with positive minded people who spend their time and energy on attracting positive situations to their life. You appreciate that they are in your life and you tell them so.

You are mindful of all of those with whom you interact and you appreciate that everyone has a valuable story to tell.

You communicate openly to those in your life, not so you can nag or complain or hear yourself talk but rather so that you may learn more, grow more, and contribute to the life of that relationship.

You spend some time each day focusing on yourself and caring for your mind, body, and soul and you have not a single feeling of guilt about it.

If you do any of those, you may be on your way to living fabulously!

And, if you don’t think living fabulously dramatically impacts your marketing and ability to attract people to you, then you need to do this more than anyone!

Check out Judith and Jim, a great couple whose goal is to help you get comfortable with being utterly fabulous.

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However, when it starts to feel like much of your time is spent tolerating people, behaviors, etc., you’ll find success slipping away from your fingers.

It’s true. If you’re serious about being successful in every area of your life, you have to start eliminating the things you’re simply putting up with or tolerating.

Why? Because each and every thing you are tolerating drains your energy. Tolerating tires you out, wears you down and sucks the reserves you need to attract more of what you do want.

Maybe you’re tolerating the fact that your garage is a cluttered mess. Maybe you’re tolerating that your favorite jacket has a stain on it and you’re reminded of the fact that you haven’t take it to the cleaners every time you need or want to wear it.

Maybe you’re tolerating a less than fulfilling job.

Maybe you’re tolerating a friend that is always bitching and moaning about her life and never brings any positive energy to the table.

Or, maybe you’re tolerating some of your own bad habits - you can’t get organized, you’re always running late, you lose stuff all of the time, you forget appointments, your finances are a mess or your office looks like a tornado hit it.

The truth is that all of these tolerations can take energy from you that is needed for other things. And, if you don’t eliminate them, they’ll turn into great big monsters and the overwhelm will continue to get exponentially worse.

So, try this. Make a list of everything you’re putting up with in your life. What needs to go, what’s causing you stress, and what constantly drains you?

This is not always easy for people. Many of us have become so numb to these tolerations that we have a hard time making the list. Just stick with it because once you get the first few down, I promise they’ll start flowing out of you faster than the Mississippi River.

Then, plan a day where you’ll start eliminating them one by one. If it means you have to take a day off from working with clients, then so be it. If it means giving up a Saturday so you can start clearing them out, then make it happen.

You’re probably not going to be able to get rid of them all in one day - some may take months. I worked with one client who had an incredibly long list of tolerations. She got rid of almost all of them but then realized that the biggest one of all, her marriage was still staring her in the face.

And, now that she had eliminated the more petty annoyances in her life, she no longer had other things to distract her from addressing the marriage question. At the same time, because she eliminated them, she was in a much better place and had a lot more energy to deal with an issue that actually deserved it.

So, even if you can’t eliminate everything, you can still start taking control of the things that are within reach. Eliminating tolerations will free up your time and energy so that you can accomplish more and feel infinitely more satisfied with your life. 

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Here’s what some of my complaints sounded like. “It’s too cold.” “I hate snow.” “I don’t feel like going.” “This coffee is not hot enough.”

But, the fact of the matter is that whatever is going on in your life at any given moment simply is. It’s not good or bad - it just is.

Our minds are non-stop mental computers that tend to label everything as good or bad. And as I am sure you are aware, a lot of time we label things as bad.

Constantly complaining is a complete waste of our time, our energy and our life.

And more to the point, it does absolutely nothing to change the situation.

So, for starters just be aware of your thoughts and complaints. Don’t judge - just get interested in seeing all the ways you complain about people, things, weather, etc.

Then, turn the complaint around into a more neutral way of interacting with it.

Here’s an example from my own life. I’m ALWAYS cold. Oh, and I’m ALWAYS hot. I am the least temperature tolerant person I know and not a day goes by that I don’t say (either out loud or in my head) “I’m too cold” or “I’m too hot”. So, my change has been to simply acknowledge it and then bundle up. Instead of complaining, I simply add another layer. (So, for those of you who’ve seen me in a down jacket in 60 degree weather - I’m not miserable - I’m simply getting comfortable so I can pay attention to the things in life that really matter.)

The bottom line is that what you resist persists. Stop focusing on rain, cold, annoying people, etc. It is what it is, adjust and put your energy on something that really matters.

A great in dept article on complaining by Steve Pavlina can be found here.

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In order to think clearly, solve problems and make decisions we need to use our prefrontal cortex and this requires certain levels of dopamine and other neurotransmitters. So, when things like fear and uncertainly crowd our thoughts, our ability to make decisions and think clearly diminishes.

Has that ever happened to you? I can recall a time pretty recently when I was really struggling with an issue. I had certain expectations about something and they were not panning out at all. I was completely wrapped up in it and it was overwhelming me a lot of the time. My mom begged me not to make any decisions about it and just “sleep on it”. I thought I was making total sense but now that I think back on it, I wasn’t able to make sense of any of it. My brain was responding to feelings of fear and uncertainty.

Now when issues like this come up, I do a quick check in and get myself back on target before I even think about making any decisions.

The other thing our brain needs is to feel like it’s in control. Everyone always says that we only use maybe 5% of our brain. Well, that may be true when we’re getting information thrown at us when we’re watching TV or listening to someone talk. However, when our environment gets stirred up in a meaningful way and we teach someone something or explain a complicated concept, we may get closer to using 90% of our brains. So, if you spend your days constantly making decisions, learning new information, and teaching it to others like I do, that’s great news, good news for the brain and a good enough reason to do more of it every chance we get, right?

The brain also changes as a function of where we put our attention. So, every time you vent or complain or criticize, you grow new brain cells for that purpose and over time you get better at it. In fact, MRI’s have shown that the areas of the brain that control the fingers, tongue, and lips are larger in flute players. An accountant will have a larger part of the brain that controls math ability. It’s a good thing because he’s going to need it for my taxes!

So, the lesson here is that we have the power to rewire our brains. Knowing you have that power, doesn’t it make you want to generate only positive things in the world?

I know it can be a challenge to always stay positive and be grateful for the here and now when life shows up and it doesn’t always look the way you want; but, without a positive mindset, you’ll never reach the levels of success you know you deserve and are truly capable of achieving.

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